Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Sticks and Stones

Being an older first time mother and knowing Sydney will mostly likely grow up an only child, I try to surround her with loving, trustworthy people. Without brothers or sisters, I feel like it's even more important to have a strong network of friends, for her and for myself. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of that until recently. Someone I trusted 100% let me down in a big way. It was hard enough for me to trust people when it was just my emotions on the line, but now I'm putting my child's heart on the line too.

It's said often you should trust your instincts. What happens when you do that and your instincts are completely wrong? I can tell you one thing for certain, not only do you feel betrayed by the person who hurt you, you feel betrayed by your own instincts. I don't understand what drives people to act the way they do. What causes a trusted friend to take your care and concern and twist into something ugly?

There are so many things to worry about as a mother but the thing that scares me the most these days is broken hearts. Broken bones can be fixed without much lasting damage, but a broken heart can change the course of a child's life.

So yeah, whoever came up with that saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me", they were a few fries short of a happy meal. I'm making a pact with myself right now to never ever utter those words to Sydney. I don't care who you are, words hurt a lot more than being smacked upside the noggin with a stick!


The Mama said...

I couldn't agree with you more. People can hurt me all they want but I will turn in to MAMA BEAR if they get anywhere near my kids.

As I have said many times,"To have a child is to watch your heart walk around outside your body."
"You are only as happy as your saddest child."
XOXO Big Mama

Sheila said...

Oprah always says, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." I think that's true, but I also think it's a fine line. You don't want her to grow up mistrusting everyone and building a wall around herself so she doesn't get hurt (totally not saying that's your plan!). There's also value in learning to love to the point that you're vulnerable. Unfortunately, that means it really hurts when someone betrays you.

mama biscuit said...

That is exactly the quote I had in mind while writing this, Sheila, thank you. I think I heard it from either you or Sheri H. the first time and have been trying to remember it ever since.

I want to teach Syd to love to the point of being vulnerable. I also want to teach her that her love is worth something and she does not have to put up with being mistreated. Life would be so much easier if everyone was nice!

Karin said...

I am so sorry a so called friend let you and Sydney down, I know how hard it is. I have also found that as a Mom I stand up for myself a little more than I would have before because I don't want to model being a doormat to him. We were in a playgroup that really started to be toxic for both of us so I got out and found other activities that were better for both of us.

eclectic said...

You'll do things for your child that you could or would NEVER do for yourself, or even for your spouse. For example, it took Brooke's hurt feelings to give me the courage to finally stand up to my own mom for behavior I had tolerated from her on my own account my whole life.

Penni, you've entered the truly challenging world of parenting where everything is made infinitely more complex; yet strangely, everything is made profoundly more simple by virtue of loving someone so completely. That love gives a compass point that never waivers.

Trust your instincts, but be willing to forgive them and adjust course when they're off the mark, as they will be from time to time. You do your best and roll with the punches, and then she learns by watching you, to do the same. Her world will never be perfect, so it's okay if she learns how to make the best of it.